Middle-aged married mom looking ahead while enjoying today College funding is a priority for our family. I hate student loans so much – it seems like they hold young adults back right at a time in their lives that they should be future-focused and optimistic. We communicated to the boys early that we would do everything possible to pay for college so they didn’t need to start their adult lives fighting debt. In order to do that, there are things we sacrifice but we’re okay with it because our priorities are in line with our values. So we don’t have cable, car notes, cleaning services, or annual vacations for example, and we don’t routinely eat out beyond celebrations. (though if you read an earlier post, you know we don’t execute this flawlessly) We don’t buy cars or cell phones for kids and we don’t intend to help pay for weddings or houses.
With that stated though, there is a requirement for the boy. He must provide a return on investment for the college spending in order for us to continue funding college. DS1 didn’t do that and I cut him off after his second year of college. This was a serious ‘tough love’ move on my part. So you don’t think I’m heartless, I should say that DS1 is an extremely capable intelligent kid. He could make straight As if he busted his rump to do it. Had he been putting forth his best effort and come up short, I’d have been more compassionate – I promise. Instead it was his social life that he unfortunately prioritized. He’s an extrovert (my opposite!) and he enjoyed parties and didn’t regularly attend all his classes. Of course he didn’t volunteer this info, but I figured it out. I told him that I hoped he finished up his degree but that he’d be doing it on his own nickel. And I told him that if he succeeded, no one would be prouder than me because I’d understand what it took for him to do it.
To his credit, DS1 didn’t debate and he didn’t play the victim. He knew he’d messed up. So for a year or so, he sat out while he worked full-time. He discovered then that the jobs available to him without a college degree were limited and didn’t pay well. Then he re-enrolled at the college and he got student loans. He hit an issue at that point. Even though he was no longer a dependent for our taxes, applications for loans beyond $7500 (I think that was the amount.) required that a parent either co-sign or take them out. So he came to me. I’ll be damned before I co-sign a student loan! But because I did support DS1’s effort to finish school, I offered to be the lender instead. Today he owes me $14k. One of the stipulations of my loans was that they have to be repaid in 3 years – not 10 or more like the government allows. I want him to bite the bullet and get the debt behind him.
DS1 graduated in December and just accepted a job offer. He has two roommates in a similar position that he’s known for years. Both have entry-level jobs and are paying off student loans. (They jointly celebrated sometime last year when one of them got his balance below $100k!) So now I’m reminding him about his payment obligations and offering to help him budget his new pay. Because of the precedent I set with DS2 on splitting scholarship money, I am giving a credit to DS1 for the small athletic scholarship he received one semester.
The payments I receive from DS1 will go to house debt.
I am very proud of DS1. He finished two years of college while working full-time to support himself. In my mind, his super expensive lesson had a happy ending.
Now you know why I’ll never state that all my boys graduated without student loan debt despite it being important to me.
Student Loans
February 21st, 2020 at 05:22 pm
February 21st, 2020 at 06:42 pm 1582310532
I can't say debt free either as we made our daughter take out $5,500 this last year to cover part of her fifth year in college. I'm still a bit mixed about that, but also know that some skin in the game isn't all bad. And after four years, and with our second in school too, it was just a bit much without sacrificing our other goals.
February 21st, 2020 at 09:25 pm 1582320338
It was important in our case too to set this precedent with DS1. Now the other boys know I'm serious about not wasting the college money we worked so hard to accumulate for investment in them.
February 22nd, 2020 at 02:35 pm 1582382121
Did I say how you raised him right?
February 22nd, 2020 at 05:06 pm 1582391172
February 23rd, 2020 at 04:17 pm 1582474622
February 23rd, 2020 at 08:47 pm 1582490853